Throwback Tuesday

does it ever stop hurting

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Thursday, February 14, 2008 at 7:18pm | Edit Note | Delete

...so it was June when everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I was prepared for this but I really wasn't expecting this shit...shit yeah sharon said SHIT! Its been 9 months and I've carried this pain like a baby but in my heart..... Sagging and ready to burst at any second last night the tears flow like water broke...only I still cant let you go.My dady decides hey lets not talk about it and I know its because it pains him so, My sister emotionally disconnected to the fact that I could care so much about someone who came around so little. And it hurts so bad because momma ......well momma hurts when I hurt so to not inconvience anyone I masked the feelings I had inside and so last night when I cried and my hands trmbeled ....it felt like..it felt like a piece of me died...and no I aint talking no suicide Im talking a slow burning death ..im talking a shot to dome. In the midst of this my body screams from no rest because the place I used to know is no longer considered home...So what does she do now. i got a call today from an old friend that said "Girl you can do this school and work thang standing on top of your head" I said "Well you know it aint so easy at it seems" people with thier high expectations and me with my dreams.A shadow missin I heard a pastor say...its something I fight everyday...If I can just work hard and give my all maybe my Dad will be there. If I work hard in school and show devotion my my sister will show me some type of emotion. If I work hard and pass lifes little test maybe my mother will give criticsm a rest...If I love hard enough maybe I can erase the pain from my own life by adding to others.I never knew it would be so hard and I'm tired of searching for the answer to" does it ever stop hurting?




p.s. with every word i typed a tear stained my face and dropped to my shirt and with a sigh lyrics began to flood my brain.."Thank you Lord for being there for me. seems like I was going dwn but your love came in to rescue me...so I want to thank you lord for being there for me!"